AHHHHHHHH.

First of all:

We made it through day one woo!

Today started at the hotel and I got a sugar free vanilla latte bc it sounded good and also I wanted to 💩 before we left for the middle of nowhere. Also I should probably mention that I passenger princessed my way here and have pretty much no idea what’s happening at any point.

So we meet our guides… and the other ppl in the group who apparently exist. Idk why I thought this was a private just Newberry clan thing but it is not, so we meet appx. 10 other people and check out the equipment.

It is at this point that I realize, in all my former Trek employee knowledge that there are… no electric bikes. Which is weird because I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER REQUESTING ONE/ having the option to do so. Alas. (By alas I mean I’m basically flipping a shit internally but it’s totally fine bc a lot of people older than me are also doing this with no e-bikes so I guess that’s fine??????)

To my surprise, we take a shuttle to the next stage which means I have oh, two hours or so to kick back, relax, think about my impending doom and attempt to read a Riley Sager book that is not hitting. (And I’m pretty sure I know who did it btw and I’m only 25 minutes in.)

So I fell asleep after buying the worlds most expensive banana boat sunscreen at a Wawa type situation and suddenly I wake to find that we are surrounded by GORGEOUS rock formations and scenery. Also cows.

See above. This is where I started to feel sentimental about different parts of America and how everyone is so different and each part of the country has beauty, and then I remembered the entire past 10 years and that ended real fast.

Anyway post ruminating on America and all that jazz, we finally arrive at our destination: Bryce Canyon!

Fun fact: not a canyon. Apparently you need water for that. It looks cool as hell though.

Anyway, first up is a group lunch. I’m stoked. I’m thinking, okay, amazing. It’s several hours in and I haven’t had to do any real WORK yet so maybe it won’t be so bad!

Lunch was good, except for the peppers in a few things— there were sandwiches and salads, incredible veggie chips, chocolate, PIE, and a variety of snacks to pack for later. Also beer/fun drinks and hydrating ones—I don’t think I need to tell you I stuck to the NA options here. Except I just did. So we eat, and things are wrapping up. I realize with a start that hey, I should probably use a restroom. And also, I definitely need to. Suddenly a sharp pain in my side lets me know that yes. I need to find a restroom and oh hey, fun fact, I might have accidentally cross contaminated my own food somehow or eaten something on my allergy list.

Yes. Right before the start of the trip, I realize… I am not well.

But I don’t want to be a baby about it. I go to the BR, get shit done (lol), and only get lost for a second on the way back.

Time to get going. I got this.

…

….

My stomach still feels weird.

Anyway PJ the guide measures my hiking poles and We. Are. Off.

Fun fact about my ‘training’ for this trip. Apparently the incline I was testing at? LOW. Also the elevation here is kicking my ass. Unless it’s allergies. Idk. Point is I’m a wreck immediately. (Editor’s note: I ate something I was allergic to and puked on a Hoodoo. Lol.) In trying to figure out the hiking poles, I fall behind, struggling my way through photo ops and conversations while not breaking an ankle or falling off increasingly tall drops. I do make sure to stop and smell the roses (metaphorically, because there aren’t any flowers really, it’s mostly cool rocks and the occasional tree).

I mean look at those views!! Seriously. Please do bc I felt like I was gonna die while I was taking them and they still look amazing. It starts to rain a bit, but nothing too serious. Until the THUNDER. Eventually, after falling prey to thunderclaps and more rain, the team decides we must turn back. Uphill. Almost the whole time. UGHHHHHHHHHH. Once we hit that parking lot, I was done. They asked us if we wanted to do addtl. hiking on ‘the rim trail’ and I’ll put it this way: The gift shop was lovely.

I hung out in the parking lot with the squad waiting for everyone and made a daring suitcase rescue involving a phone call, google search, and an ill-timed bathroom trip, but then it was finally time to hit up the hotel.

We stayed at Under Canvas in both Bryce and Zion, and both were truly lovely. Each duo had a private glamping tent with showers (BLESS) and a fireplace setup, in addition to a little seating area and a cozy bed. As someone who has never been camping and expected the worst, I was very surprised (and delighted) by the accomodations. Plus, like I said, it was STUNNING out there. Also the food was good.

We ended the evening with a great group dinner and some smores, and then Ryan and I struggled our way through making the fire, and passed out immediately.

See you next time for Day 2. Spoilers: I did not eat anything I was allergic to.